Thanks be to Lisa

When Sean and I first got married he was a young Lt.  We spent the first 18 months at various training bases where he first learned to fly, then learned to fly fighters. After training, we headed to Germany, where, because this was soon after 9/11, his unit left the area. So there I was, alone in a little German village; no job, no friends, no idea what any of the road signs actually meant. A spouse from the squadron invited me to a wives get together and I eagerly accepted. Unfortunately, we got the time wrong and arrived over 2 hours early. I vividly remember the mortified look on the face of the squadron commander when his wife, the hostess, opened the front door. She insisted we come inside anyway. She wasn't ready and it seemed like we had walked in on an argument between her and her husband, but she never let on that she was inconvenienced or that our timing was terrible. It was awkward but she was so gracious.

While she was the Commander's spouse, she took on the role of mother hen and made everyone feel welcome. She included everyone, all the time. When the squadron deployed, she was the glue that held us all together. She hosted holiday parties and planned spouse trips and countdown events. She took care of the ladies who were homesick, made meals for families with new babies, helped with German landlords. What I didn't understand at the time was the amount of time and energy that spouses of squadron leadership put into the squadron families. It is truly a thankless job. All of it--the planning, the hosting, the resources, the time--it's all behind-the-scenes kinds of magic, and it's all volunteer. I regret not helping her more with events and functions because I now know how much it means to have help. Our time in Germany and likely my outlook on Sean's military career would have been completely different had she not done all that she had done. 

It makes me laugh that I am now in her position, the "old" lady at the squadron. Recently I quoted an 80s movie at a function and caught the eye of a young spouse. She looked at me like I was a thousand years old. To her, I kind of am. She said she knew this quote and when I asked how, she said she didn't want to offend me, but her mom loved that movie. Yep, now it's me getting calls to do last minute fund-raisers and baby meals and to chat with that spouse who can't seem to get along with anyone. There's so much "mandatory fun", and hosting/planning and a very disappointing lack of RSVPs. It isn't physically difficult, but it's never ending. (And getting a large group of people to agree on anything? Forget about it!)

I wrote a belated thank you note to that gracious former commander's spouse recently. I wanted her to know that she set a fantastic example for us and that she made the craziness of her role look effortless. If she was frustrated or upset, we never knew it! I thanked her for the family atmosphere that she impressed upon the squadron, not by force but by kindness and understanding. I also told her that Sean still talks about the chocolate chip cookies she used to bake.

She replied, just as nice as she always was...and she sent me her chocolate chip cookie recipe! I don't think I can do them justice.